It wasn't hard to come up with a list of things I'd do if I were a cat for a day. Apart from having to lick my own butt (because, ewww!), getting to be a cat for a day sounds pretty darn fantastic. I love sleeping, so the thought of getting to spend 15-20 hours with my eyes shut is my idea of heaven.
And it's not just the excessive beauty sleep that appeals. I'll likely get showered with affection when I'm awake (couch cuddles are the business), and have all of my meals prepared for me (I'm not sure about dining on the best cat food but I'm happy to give it a try) and maybe I'll even get a good brush (which is bound to feel like a massage, right?)
All in all, this sounds like an excellent deal – too bad it's unlikely to ever eventuate. Still, I am nothing if not super organized and so in the spirit of being well-prepared for any situation, I have pulled together my list of what I'd do if I were a cat for a day. Spoiler alert: some of these are downright hiss-terical.
32 things I'd do if I were a cat for a day
1. Sleep
I know, after reading the intro you didn't see this one coming, did you? What can I say, I'm full of surprises. But on a serious note, could there be anything else at the top of this list? Why do cats sleep so much is something that has long baffled us humans, but maybe we need to spend less time pondering the why of it all and more time following suit. After all, do we really need a reason to sleep more other than the fact that it's just plain fantastic? I rest my case.
2. Dress up
There are cats all around the world hating on me right now and I don't blame them – but I just can't help it, I'd love to pose for a photo or two in some cute little sweater or a fancy dress costume (pirate hat and eye patch, anyone?). Now, I must stress, that I don't dress my own cats up (they'd hate it) but if the cat in question were me, I'd happily pop my paws into an outfit or two.
3. Go on an adventure
Granted, I'll be sleeping for most of the day, but I think there'll still be time to fit in a little foray into nature's big backyard (did I mention I'm hoping to come back as a country cat and not a town or city one? I feel I've thought all of this through a little too much.) Hiking with cats is becoming a thing, so if there's a trail near where I live and my owner is up for it, that'd be a great bonding activity. But if not, I'm perfectly happy to amuse myself.
4. Sit and watch the world go by
As an introvert who loves nothing more than staring out the window with a cup of tea in hand, this part of being a cat is one that appeals to me big time. And because I'm a cat for a day, I can spend as many hours as I want doing it with no work to get done and no husband or child in need of my attention. Bliss!
5. I'd be curious...about absolutely everything
I have no idea what it's like to climb curtains, swing from a chandelier, or balance precariously atop a shelf but I'm excited to find out! Let's just hope I'm more coordinated as a cat than I am as a human.
6. Visit a local retirement village
Yes, sounds random, but bear with me. I have it on good authority that seniors give more than the recommended portion size of the best cat treats when a feline friend comes to say hello. Given that I'm a huge foodie, befriending the community at my nearest retirement village just seems like a smart move.
7. Climb a tree
I have a confession to make: I've never climbed a tree. This would be understandable if I'd grown up in a city but I grew up in a small town bordering expansive countryside so really, I have zero excuse. I've decided that if I'm ever a cat for a day, I shall redeem myself by climbing the largest tree I can find. I'm not quite sure how I'll get down the tree after I've climbed it but that's a problem for later.
8. Zoom around the house
We often think of running around at high speed to be something dogs do, but cat zoomies are a thing – trust me, we have two felines in our family and they both love tearing around the house. And boy oh boy does it look like a whole lot of fun, so it's definitely on my to-do list when I morph into a cute kitty for the day.
9. Knock things off shelves for the fun of it
There are some things you only know if you're a cat owner – like just how much our feline friends enjoy knocking things off shelves, just for the fun of it. I've watched my cats look super proud of themselves as they pushed something off a shelf seconds after I gave them a stern look accompanied by the words 'don't even think about it'. Well, I can tell you, not only did they think about it but they executed it swiftly. To be honest, there's something about it that looks quite satisfying, so I'm keen to give it a whirl.
10. Hang out in a box
If you have a kitty, you don't need me to tell you that there are so many weird cat behaviors that our beloved bundles of fluff engage in. Trying to squeeze themselves into boxes that are far too small for them being at the top of the list! But they seem to have the best time doing it, so I'm keen to find out what it is about boxes that cats find so appealing.
11. Audition for a role in a movie
I love films with animals. I was definitely the kid who couldn't get enough of movies like Homeward Bound and Beethoven and because I've requested to come back looking like the sort of cat that makes everyone stop in their tracks and go 'awwww', I reckon I'll have a good chance of scoring myself a leading role in the next big feline and canine adventure movie.
12. Plot world domination
Ask a kitty for reasons why cats are better than dogs and you're sure to get a long list. You'd probably get an even longer one if you asked them why they're better than us humans! World domination is definitely at the top of their agenda, they just haven't quite figured out how to do it yet. Perhaps I'll give them a helping paw.
13. Talk to the birds
One of the many things our cats do to put a smile on my face is talking to the birds. They love sitting on the window sill and having a good old conversation with whatever bird happens to be hanging out nearby. I have no idea what they say to each other, but I'm keen to find out!
14. Book a grooming session at a cat spa
I'm not one for pamper sessions in my day-to-day life but I love what fastidious cleaners our two cats are – they really know how to look after themselves. So one of my absolute musts when I'm a cat is to book myself into a really good kitty spa and enjoy being groomed to within an inch of my life. Heaven!
15. Pretend I have no idea what my name is
I'm not sure whether our seven-month-old kitten, Teddy, genuinely still has no idea what her name is or if she just chooses to ignore it but some cats definitely have selective hearing. I love my name, but there are some days it gets called so many times that I start to wish I could ignore it – being a cat sounds like a great opportunity to do just that.
16. Help my human with household tasks
When it comes to ways to bond with your cat, doing household chores together is one way to tick that box. If you have an extroverted cat breed, you'll have no choice in the matter anyway as they love being involved in absolutely everything that goes on inside the home. I'll be supervising my human's every activity, so expect to find me inside the cupboards they're cleaning out, investigating the inner workings of the dishwasher while they load it and sprawling across their keyboard while they attempt to work.
17. Meow until I'm given what I want
While some of our feline friends are more vocal than others (yes, cat breeds with the biggest meows, I'm looking at you!) almost all cats will meow as a way to get their human's attention. Whether I'm hungry, in need of a pet, or have no clue what I want but simply want to disrupt whatever everyone else is doing, I plan on giving my vocal cords a seriously good workout.
18. Drink out of a puddle
My owner may have purchased one of the best pet water fountains for me, but why drink fresh, clean water when there's a delicious dirty puddle in my backyard?
19. Chase a piece of string
Granted, when it comes to the best cat toys the humble piece of string probably isn't going to make the top of the list in a fancy pet guide — but it should because our feline friends tend to favor its simplicity and its certainly the preferred plaything of our family cats. I'm a huge lover of simplicity myself, so when I'm a cat for a day, you'll find me racing around the house in hot pursuit of string. Or maybe yarn. I'm not fussy.
20. Curl up in front of the fire
Did I mention that alongside living in the country I plan to live out my 24 hours as a cat in the winter in a house that has a fire? Once again, I fear I've given way too much thought to a situation that is absolutely never going to eventuate. But if on the off-chance that it does, you'll find me curled up in front of a roaring fire.
21. Snack until my heart's content
Portion control? Never heard of it. Instead as a cat, I'll graze throughout the day and give absolutely no thought whatsoever to my physical health and wellbeing. Life is to be enjoyed after all! Let's just hope my human only has the best cat food in the cupboard.
22. Steal my humans food
Even though it's just one day, I'm not sure I could live on cat food alone. Thankfully I'm well versed on the human foods cats can eat, so expect to see me stealing a tasty morsel of chicken or a piece of avocado off my owner's plate.
23. Savoring being told I'm a 'good girl'
"Who's a good girl? You're a good girl." Be honest – you've said it to your pet, too! Sometimes they look at you rather quizzically wondering what the heck you're talking about and other times they look like they're beaming with pride. Given that words of affirmation are my love language, you can bet I'll be soaking these words in big time.
24. Enjoy a pet or two
If you're not fond of a good hug, it's probably safest we don't meet as I'm likely to give you one and make things all awkward between us. I'm hoping when I get my turn as a cat I'll have an owner who likes dishing out chin and ear scratches, and maybe a little belly rub, too.
25. Have a good stretch
So, I have another confession for you (yes, I know, our relationship is moving far too quickly but do bear with me): I'm 41 (that's not the confession) and can barely bend over to put my socks on these days. Lower back pain is not fun. Neither is yoga or pilates, which is why I have back pain. It's a vicious circle. Anyway, to avoid complete inflexibility setting in before I'm anywhere near retirement, I figure I should get stretching – something I'll be doing a lot of when I'm a cat. Let's hope my owner has one of these tall vertical cat scratching posts that will let me really feel the burn.
26. Sharpen my claws
Do you want to know what I'm least looking forward to about being a cat? Potentially having to fight another cat. My reasons for this are very straightforward. One, I really want to come back as the sort of adorable-looking cat that graces posters, billboards, and cat food packets and so I can't afford to have anything mess with the money maker that is my face. Secondly, and to be completely transparent, far more importantly, I have zero outdoor survival skills and would not do well in a scuffle. Still, I feel the need to prepare for all possibilities, which is why I'll be ensuring my claws are razor-sharp.
27. Bask in the sunshine
Preferably inside at the top of a cat tree that's placed by a window, but if that's not possible, anywhere that lets me soak up the sun's rays will do.
28. Saying what I think
Cat communication can seem complex at first, but once you understand the basics, you'll soon be able to figure out what it is your cat is trying to tell you. However, the great news is that even if we become masters at deciphering all those meows, chirps, and tail signals, we'll never be 100% sure of what our cats are saying. This is good news because that means I can speak my mind freely for a whole 24 hours without fear of upsetting anyone.
29. Cough up a fur ball on the carpet
I know, there's a perfectly good bit of wooden or tiled flooring right next door in the other room. But where's the fun in that?
30. Interrupt my humans work meetings
All work and no play makes for a very boring day indeed. Besides, I think it's time for a bring your cat to work day, so let me hang out on your keyboard and introduce my adorable face to all of your colleagues.
31. Get my Milo and Otis on
One of the little-known facts about cats and dogs is that some of them really do get along famously. I definitely plan on getting myself a loyal and faithful canine sidekick to go on an adventure with, and who knows, we may even become famous.
32. Get myself stuck somewhere
My day as a cat would not be complete without me venturing somewhere I'm not supposed to go and getting stuck. Maybe the garden shed. Perhaps a rarely-used cupboard that got opened just long enough for me to sneak in. Or even better – the back of an Amazon delivery van (like this cat did!). The possibilities are endless.
