Have you ever wondered what your dog would say to you if dogs could talk? Us too!
There are the obvious things of course – like would you please pass me another one of those delicious long lasting dog chews – but we have a feeling they'd have a lot more to share than simply asking for more food.
Perhaps they'd tell us that they'd like a little more privacy when they do their business, after all, it's not easy to relax when your owner is standing in the rain and checking their watch. Or perhaps they'd politely request that we stop dressing them up as hot dogs every Halloween.
We'll never know for sure of course, but here's what we think your dog would say if they could talk...
32 things your dog would say if dogs could talk
1. Why is my bowl empty?
It doesn't seem to matter how often we replenish their bowl with more food, our pups are adamant that we're starving them. We have a feeling that one of the first things they'd be wanting to speak to us about if they could talk would be increasing both their portion sizes and their feeding times – after all, an empty bowl is the ultimate criminal act where a dog is concerned.
2. I'm not begging, I'm helping you stick to your diet
When it comes to funny things dogs do, attempting to steal things off of our plates when we're not looking is definitely up there. Of course in their mind, they're not begging, they're simply helping us to stay fit and healthy – or so they'd have us believe.
3. When are we going for a walk?
When it comes to your favorite ways to workout with your pet, walking is likely high on your list. But unlike we humans who tend to find one or two walks a day more than enough, our canine companions have other ideas. We have a feeling that if they could talk, they'd definitely be demanding more (and longer!) walkies in the great outdoors.
4. I have a crush on the dog down the street
While they may not develop crushes in quite the same way that we do, dogs can form deep emotional bonds with other dogs that look a lot like love. Who knows, perhaps if your fur friend could talk, they'd be telling you all about pup down the street who they just can't get enough of.
5. You can teach me commands, but you know the minute your back is turned I'm going to do what I want, right?
Training your dog on your own is no easy feat. You can put in so much time and energy and think you're making great progress, only for your pup to do exactly the opposite of what you've trained them to do the minute your back is turned. Sure, your dog will do what you ask when you're focusing on them and there's a treat involved, but as they'd tell you if they could talk, once you're not looking, all bets are off.
6. You can hide those treats from my eyes but not my nose
If you've ever tried to hide a bag of the best dog treats from your pup, you know that this is no easy task. Of course, if they could talk, they'd likely remind us that they have super sensitive noses that make keeping treats out of their reach a complete mission impossible.
7. You said you wanted a landscaped garden....so I made a start on landscaping it for you
Why is my dog digging? It's a question you've likely asked yourself on more than one occasion as you watched your pup having a great old time in your flower beds. You may be wondering how to stop a dog from digging, but as your pup would tell you – you're always complaining about wanting a nicer yard, they're simply giving you a helping paw on the road to achieving your dream.
8. If you don't want me to chew your shoes, you should put them away
This is one of those annoying times where if your dog could talk, they'd probably have a good point. Yes, it's way more convenient to leave your stuff lying around the house but from a dog's perspective, those shoelaces are just way too tempting. What is the solution if you don't want to keep everything locked away? Invest in one of the toughest dog chew toys and redirect your pup's mouth towards something they're allowed to sink their teeth into.
9. Why are you going to the bathroom in my backup water bowl?
One thing your dog would love to have you explain is why on earth you use their second water bowl as a place to do your business. You do realize they drink out of there, right? How rude.
10. You can take all the selfies you want. We both know who the photogenic one is
Have you ever noticed that the photos that tend to get the most likes on social media usually involve pets? We like to think that all that love that's being shown on our posts is for us, but our dogs know the truth – those likes are most definitely for them.
11. Laugh at this cone one more time and you'll find yourself wearing it
It's never fun taking your dog to the vet, but some things are unavoidable – like neutering your pet, for example, or taking them in for life-saving surgery. We don't mean to make fun of them, but sometimes our dogs look so cute in those head cones the vet puts them in that we just can't help ourselves. Our dogs, on the other hand, spend most of the time in their head cone shooting us murderous looks and probably thinking thoughts along the lines of how much they'd love to shove our face through one.
12. Please stop with the baby voice. You know I'm older than you in dog years
Ahhh yes, the baby voice we somehow all find ourselves using the minute we adopt a dog. No doubt we think we're being sweet, but given that our pups are often older than us in dog years, they probably find it all rather patronizing, which is something they'd likely tell us if they had the ability to talk.
13. Can you tell the person who delivers the mail that email is a thing now? And while you're at it, would it kill you to shop in-store once and a while?
Dog won't stop barking? You're not alone. And we bet they have a favorite target – delivery people. Whether it's the man who delivers the mail or the woman who drops off your Amazon parcels, your pup wants you to know something – they're not welcome here!
14. Oh that little boy at the park is on a leash too. I feel for you kid. Respect
You may have spent hours reading up on the different types of dog leashes so you could buy your pup the best dog leash to suit their size and personality, but let's face it – they were never going to love it, no matter how much research you put into choosing one. Your pup probably hates being on a leash, but all that lack of freedom has given them plenty of compassion. That's why they afford toddlers the utmost respect when they see them wearing a harness and leash, they know what it's like to have your dignity stripped away.
15. Wow, you just don't stop talking do you
When it comes to the best emotional support animal breeds, many of the top spots are filled by dogs. And it's no surprise – after all, they're non-judgemental, highly empathetic, and super comforting. But we're pretty sure there are some days they'd like a break from listening to us talk about our relationship or work problems and sit in comfortable silence instead.
16. I hate to break it to you, but I'm really not a fan of cuddles
Do dogs like hugs? If your pup could talk, this is the one conversation they'd dread having because the answer is that while there are some dogs that don't mind being cuddled, most prefer other forms of physical contact in the form of pets, belly rubs, and ear scratches.
17. Sorry I threw up on your new jeans
Vomiting in dogs isn't always a cause for concern, especially if it's just a one-off as opposed to repeated episodes. Provided they simply overate or gobbled their food down too quickly, your pup would like to tell you how sorry they are for choosing to throw up all over your new jeans, furniture, carpet, or shoes. Really and truly sorry. With sprinkles on top.
18. More belly rubs please
Why do dogs love belly rubs? We'll have to ask them to find out for sure, but most experts believe that belly rubs feel so good because it's the one part of a dog's body that they can't scratch. If your dog could talk, they'd definitely be asking for more of these.
19. Zoomies are the best. You should try them
When it comes to the most relatable daily thoughts of a dog owner, 'Are they meant to run round and round in circles like that?' is at the top of the list. We humans often wonder if our dogs are broken, but if they could talk, they'd likely tell us that doing the zoomies is one of the most fun things ever.
20. You seriously need to chill out
Life can feel stressful and overwhelming for us humans some days, what with so many different things competing for our time and energy. No doubt we often come across as rather frazzled to the canine companion in our life, who probably wishes we'd learn to take a leaf out of their book and chill out from time to time!
21. You're leaving the house again? Take me with you!
While we often think of anxiety as something only we humans experience, anxiety in dogs is more common than you might think. Although some pups will tolerate short spells away from their favorite people, others will find it almost impossible to relax if their owner isn't around. When it comes to how to reduce separation anxiety in dogs, making sure your fur friend gets plenty of mental and physical stimulation before you leave them and working on building their confidence are great places to start.
22. Yes I'm large, but I want to be a lapdog. I don't make fun of your dreams
Why is it that almost all large breed dogs have a thing about laps? It's blatantly obvious that they're not going to fit in and that the whole situation will be uncomfortable for everyone involved, yet still, they persist.
23. This new animal in the house is freaking me out. What did you say it was called? A cat? Well it's mean. It hissed at me and scratched my nose
Whether you think dogs are better than cats or cats are better than dogs, one thing is clear – keeping the peace in a multi-pet household isn't easy. While some cats and dogs will become best friends immediately, most will simply learn to tolerate each other – and that's likely after they've gone a few rounds in the ring together, something your dog would be quick to tell you about if they could talk.
24. That steak you left lying on the counter looks really tasty. It would be a real shame if it 'accidentally' fell onto the floor
When it comes to the most common dog behavior problems, counter-surfing is definitely up there. Our dogs live in constant hope that a tasty morsel will fall off the counter and onto the floor – whether that's through a genuine accident or an engineered one on their part!
25. Yes, I know you want to sleep in but there are squirrels that need to be chased so let's get up and get moving
A high prey drive in dogs is really normal. Most pups enjoy chasing things like squirrels, rabbits, and other animals — it's all part of their natural instinct to hunt. Of course, we humans tend to get in the way of their favorite hobby what with our work and sleeping schedules, so no doubt if your dog could talk they'd be telling you to wake up so they can get outside and have some fun.
26. Your sadness makes me sad
Dogs are sensitive creatures and most are quick to pick up on how their humans are feeling. If your pup could talk, they'd want you to know that whenever you feel sad, they feel sad too.
27. If you bore me, I'll embarrass you
Our poor pups, they have to put up with a lot some days. Whether you've taken them into the office with you and they have to sit through endless meetings or you've met up for a long, leisurely lunch with a friend that your dog also has to endure, there's no doubt about it – your canine companion would definitely tell you if they could talk that when they misbehave, it's because you've bored them.
28. I miss you when you're not here
Whether you're going on vacation and leaving your dog behind or you're simply popping out for the day, your pup wants you to know that they miss you very, very much when you're not around.
29. Throwing the ball isn't that difficult – I'm the one who has to chase it
It's funny how often us dog owners will complain about all the play sessions and walks we have to participate in now that we have a pup in our life. Our fur friends want us to know that they have no idea why we're complaining about throwing a ball across a park or field, after all, they're the ones who have to run after it and bring it back!
30. Can you please not take photos of me humping my favorite toy and share them on social media? It's an invasion of my privacy
Dogs definitely know when we're making fun of them. And they certainly are well aware when we're taking photos of them in compromising moments. If your dog could talk, they'd likely request that you please stop sharing embarrassing photos of them with friends, family, and strangers. After all, it's a complete invasion of their privacy.
31. Yes I dug up all the house plants. You left me alone for six hours
Not guilty. That's the verdict your dog will be entering when they stand trial for the alleged crime of digging up your house plants. Their defense? You shouldn't have left them to their own devices for so long. After all, what else is a bored dog supposed to do with all that free time on their paws?
32. Why am I wearing this sweater? I look like an idiot
Yes, we think they look utterly adorable in their new sweater or dog coat, but do you know how your dog feels? Completely ridiculous. Would you like to walk around your neighborhood wearing something that looks like it belongs in your Great Aunty Gladys' closet? We think not. And neither does your dog.
